Monday, January 21, 2013

What makes old, Old?

old

/ōld/
Adjective
  1. Having lived for a long time; no longer young.
  2. Made or built long ago: "the old quarter of the town".
Synonyms
ancient - aged - olden - antique - former

I was standing by the stove, waiting on the tea kettle to heat,
stirring some old lime honey I bought two years ago,
wondering if I added it to my blueberry/pineapple tea
if I would get botulism.

I recalled a recent visit with my sister.
My mom was over and we three were making tea.
My mom poured the water too soon before boiling
and I had to microwave it and re steep the tea.

I remember looking at my sister as if to say
"what is she thinking?"
Why would I even feel like that?
Haven't I ever made a silly mistake?
Why does she deserve ridicule?
I'm sure my children wonder at my imperfections and slips all the time.
Is 73 old?
Now that I am nearing 50, it sure doesn't seem that way.
I always thing of my mother at my age now.
It throws me when I realize she is tired ad doesn't have much stamina.
So is my 90 year old grandmother old?
Does being confused, feeble, unable to walk more than a few steps,
or  unable to remember the last topic of conversation make you old?
Can you be old at 15?
 
 
old soul
A spiritual person whom is wise beyond their years;
people of strong emotional stability.
 Basically, someone whom has more understanding of the world around them.
 
I know that I feel very old and out of touch
when listening to my two twenty something daughters.
Our age difference was never more apparent
 than when I was in Texas with the two of them.
They chatted, partied, discussed things I had never even heard of.
I was very content to tag along,
absorbing some of their energy, but in reality it sapped mine.
Is that old?
I just got word that my 3oth high school r3eunion is this summer.
So does that mean I am old?
My mind feels 23.
These days my body feels 73.
I am breaking down and oh so ready to build back up.
After the broken foot heals, I will slowly, hopefully get back in shape.
Since my break, and sitting with no weight on my foot,
I cannot believe how quickly I tire.
This weekend my youngest took me to church,
out to lunch then to Target to get a few groceries.
I could not keep my eyes open past 5:30.
My word.
 
I recently heard that my great grandfather was apt to say when feeling down:
"I've showered shit and shaved and ready to go."
Which makes perfect sense to me.
 
"You are only as old as you let yourself feel"
So, I am going with 48 today.
Watching is slowly snow all day, knowing I do not have to get out in it.
Writing reports on breeds of sheep for my spinning class.
Texting with my husband and oldest daughter.
Healing.
 
"Old is as old does"
Next week I will focus on 38,
although there is nothing wrong with 15, 48, 90 or 73.
They all have their positivesd and negatives.
 
"Forget what they say about the teenage years.
There is something about maturity
that allows one the freedom to grow without fear of
reprisal or criticism - and that is huge!"
 
I will never look at my mother's missteps with judgement again
for I will soon be her age and my children will see me,
hopefully as still 48, wondering when I got old.
 

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